imperfections

officially gone

2009-05-27T16:26:00.000+08:00

i'm here to tell you that i have moved to velvetyacoustic.

enough said.

love,
yat.

i miss you

2009-05-27T00:55:00.002+08:00

a moment spent missing you
makes me turn into tears sometimes.
because everything we do runs in my mind
like a movie clip.

when we're apart
i can't run to your embrace,
i can't taste your lips
and feel the warmth you give me.

the one thing that puts a smile on my face is
knowing that you're still around
to cradle me in your arms.
knowing that i still have the chance
to be with you.

faces of mankind

2009-05-21T18:42:00.002+08:00

the faces of all mankind

the elderly, instead of walking out to breathe in fresh air they find themselves in a midst of a blurry vision and breathing in smoke.

the children, instead of playing outside in the clear environment they find themselves in the thickness of a cloudy smoke.

us. instead of taking in the beauty of nature we find ourselves in nature's ugliest side caused by mankind.

yes, these are the faces of mankind.

pitiful is it not?

now the question is, what ever happened to 'a small change could make a big difference'?

i find myself in this situation where all i could breathe in was the smoke coming from not far away from our home. and my mind couldn't help but to trigger the images of the faces of mankind mentioned earlier. and ofcourse i couldn't help to be pissed at those who burns everything in an open environment. not only did i saw one area filled with smoke but there were three areas. all were separated not far away from each other.

on the other hand, i couldn't be mad at them for long. i figured maybe they were financially poor. so there's no time to think of 'a small change could make a big difference'. kids to handle, their school fee, tuition fee, textbooks, stationaries, clothes and an amount of food supply. excluding car payment, gas payment and everything else. all these should be taken into consideration as well.

so where do that leave us?

life is not all fair. life is not all a wonderland. some things can be saved but others, well, i wish you the best of luck. i meant that in a good way. i know i've complained earlier on but come to think of it, reality is reality. what can you do? it's up to you. you can choose one of the options:

a) be a hero and try to make everyone understand the impact of polluting which might leave you with 2 results; they either change or they don't.
b) live with it.

hm..

2009-05-18T01:36:00.000+08:00

it's getting

DULL.

22

2009-05-15T02:42:00.001+08:00

it's 2.43 am and i'm still up. i'm 22 now. one good thing that happened was i get to hit an actual drum. i know it may not sound much but i had a great time just beating up the drum set in a studio. one of my dream list came true on the 13th of May 2009 - beating a drum set. thanks to aerol and his friends for making it happen :)

i got a new pair of shoes. it was aerol's present and he had to bring 3 of the guys to pick which shoes with him. haha. and i'm surprised that they did an excellent job ;) i love it. before watching them jam in a studio that night, me and aerol went out during the pm. we went to TT Blues for lunch, to lof to buy a couple of moose cakes which were so delicious, to the beach to watch the ocean and eat the moose cakes, to places just to waste time because we were waiting for 7pm to get to the studio. hehe. and we finally spent the whole night in the studio with his friends. it was a blast :D

went back home at around 11.45pm. and that was the end of it. took a shower, plunged into my bed and slept like a baby. haha.

on the 14th, the main thing that happened was me and aerol saw a little typhoon on Lumut beach. we didn't know what it was at first but a few people come to watch as well and then it hit us that it was a typhoon. it's rare that a typhoon may occur here. so on the positive side we get to see a real typhoon and thank the Al-Mighty it was not a violent one.

and that concludes what i've been doing so far for my holiday. hehe.

here are some of the things that i've put down in my dream list. i've been thinking about them but i didn't get to list it down anywhere so i'll just put it here to remind myself of it. the dream list is as follow:

1/ travel around the world
2/ sky dive
3/ dance in a place (any place really) with a lot of people and dance in the same moves together to one beat. i don't know if you can imagine that.
4/ beating a drum set (which i already did)
5/ jet ski.
6/ flying fox.
7/ be in a field of flowers, massive field full of flowers, and just lie down,looking at the clouds moving and relax with someone.
8/make a snowman or snow angel. there's no snow in the place that i'm living so i can't really make snowmans or snow angels. yet.

cheers.

happy happy joy joy

2009-05-12T21:02:00.001+08:00

yayy! my exam is overrr and now i'm 2-and-a-half months free! :d heheh!

wonder what i should do these holidays..

my birthday is soon :D hehehe. i'm turning 22. wonder what the year has in hand for me.

sunday night

2009-05-09T21:46:00.001+08:00

it is a sunday night. there's a birthday party in the neighborhood. my aunt's eldest daughter is celebrating her birthday today and it sounds like they're having fun.

why am i not there? i don't know. the sound of being in a crowded place where there's no company and people look at you like you're an alien doesn't attract my attention. i've always felt this way. i can't remember since when though because i remember as a child i was really really outgoing. why have i become this person whose overly shy up to the point that i don't speak? is it because i always so 'no' to events since i was adopted knowing that i'm going be crowded with people that i'm not familiar with or close with?

am i too humbled down because i remember every single negative things that was said to me such as "eh alum berakal kau ani!" (means i'm not mature yet), "inda ia tau tu" (means i don't know anything), i'm always told to behave in a good manner, more like told to be perfect. who am i to behave in a behaviour that is the opposite from what is expected kan? i mean, i'm adopted. who am i to be mischievous when it seems to portray me as being ungrateful..i can't say "inda bu, nda ku mau nyapu", "i need my own space bah, i'm 20 years old for God sake."...and all i get for saying that is "why did you cry when u were asked to sweep? nda malu. pemalas kau ani" and "because you're a lady and a lady should not go out late night and as long as you're living under my roof, u follow my rule." does this statement stunt my tongue to just shut up? i don't know..i guess.

moreover, everytime i say something it's like i'm saying a tongue language. was i not clear enough? sometimes i feel like it has got to do with my biological parents (their relationship with my foster family because i remember there was a huge fight between my uncle and my late father) but whatever did they do kan? i can't blame them for that.

how have i become this person? so quiet..so shy..so uninteresting. it's becoming a major problem for me now. it's just that i'm afraid of saying something that might hurt people. i often do that. unintentionally. i guess i'm too honest inside but i projected dishonesty when i speak implying that i am too cautios of what to say which leads to the act of not saying anything at all.

i know i sound like i talk a lot..but if you were to meetme, you'll just see a normal dull, shy and quiet person you've ever come across.

i do talk when asked though. depending on who i'm with and how comfortable i am with them. it's funny that i sometimes i feel like i'm more comfortable being with total strangers and my friends in comparison to my own foster family members. isn't family suppose to make you feel all warm inside? or am i just repelling them away that they lost interest in me? or am i the one who repels away from them? perhaps i'm not around them so much that they start to think that i'm a spoilt brat who forgets where she comes from and ignore it.

i think i have some sort of disorder. is there anyone else out there who feels the same way?

i realize now. one thing is missing from my life is a close relationship with my family. like it used to be with my biological mom's side of the family member back in Sabah. ugh.. what am i babling about?

i need help. i need to say yes. like the movie "yes man". opening up opportunities on my own instead of waiting for the opportunity to come to me. ofcourse, it's easier said than done..

*sigh*

start of exam week

2009-05-05T23:28:00.000+08:00

Not a good way to start the exam..I came late, I had to park waaaayyyy far from Chancellor Hall because the security won't let me in to the nearest parking spot where usually students were allowed to park except for today -.-" So I had to walk really fast (running was not an option because I was wearing Baju Kurong). I was lost in the hall for a bit because I was confused which course code Logic and Thinking II belongs to. Thank God the lecturer saw me and showed me the way to my seat. By that time I was sweating and out of breath.

Said a prayer and took a deep breath and like the rest of the students of Logic and Thinking II I submerged into deep thinking mode. Complete silent. Thinking. Breathing. Logic and Thinking II was really hard..I remembered some of the questions came from a Dummy Test that my friend emailed me. I remembered about the hypothesis part..I remembered a bit while the rest I just blindly answered them. I hope the answers were accurate or atleast right. Sigh..

Next exam is tommorrow. Language Acquisiton. I haven't even started revising it.. AHHH!!

Must revise now.

burned

2009-05-04T19:39:00.000+08:00

i was jogging for about 4 minutes when suddenly i felt like my skin was burning.

i woke up in the morning and had a shoulder strain. i ignored it first but it started to irritate me so i went to my maid's room to ask if she could massage me. she did. she put a LOT of ointment on my shoulder but it felt good because of the warmth. it's like the warmth is piercing through my shoulder. i didn't feel any burning at this moment.

a few hours later i was on my treadmill and felt that my skin was burning. no kidding. it felt like i was on fire :S so i had to stop. when i looked at my shoulder in the mirror, my whole back was completely red! from my shoulder down to my pinggang (just above the bra strap area).

thank the Al-Mighty that he created water. I spilled a little water over my back to make sure it won't get worst. it didn't and so i took a shower. what a relief.

now it's better. back to normal. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

i've exam tomorrow :'( there's no time to get injured or sick during the examination.. i hope i don't get shoulder strain again tomorrow o.O have to sleep with the right amount of pillows (see, my pillows are so thin) and in the right position.

Oh, i ate dinner tonight. i've minimized dinner. yay! :d but i didn't get to jog as much this noon :( must do better tomorrow. i found this recipies for dinner on the net. i want to try them all. it consists of dishes with only 10-ingredients needed. can't wait. :D

i've Logic and Thinking 2 exam tomorrow..at 2pm. hope i'll do better than i did (i failed this course and now i'm re-sitting for it again) which is why i don't want any trouble. huhu. wouldn't want to sit for it again next semester.

need will-power

2009-05-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

that kiss was amazing. hahah! i was caught by surprise and it felt like the elevator stopped and flowers and butterflies came out of nowhere but i realized the elevator door was going to open soon so i was back to reality 5 secs later. it was short yet i felt it! haha.

Anyways..the day started off a bit different. For a long time now I haven't sent my little sister to her friend's house and I did that this morning. Felt nothing. Just an ordinary thing to do.

Then had lunch in WYWY. I tried a different menu called Pak Choy with chicken and rice. Pak Choy is a vegetable, similar to Baby Kailan but larger. It was excellent! Loved it. Aerol had Chicken Rice. I loved his soup. His soup was better than mine..Mine was tasteless.

Afterwards we went to university to get my exam slip. I almost forgot to take it. Exam's coming soon. Too soon and I'm not ready !!:'(

Later in the afternoon I picked up my sister..I actually asked my driver to pick her up at 7pm but NOO~ she wanted to come home earlier. The problem is my driver was on his one day break and he was home a bit late. So I had to get up from bed and pick her up relentlessly.

Soon after I jogged on a treadmill at my home. It felt sooo good! All those sweat pouring down my face. All the bending, stretching, tummy exercise was soo worth it. ONE BIG mistake was that later in the evening.....I ATE heavily.... :((((( I'm guilty as charged.. This is my ultimate mistake, I can't restrain myself from eating the food I ate..the fish, the spinach, the chocolate (one whole bar of dark chocolate)..they were good...huhu. Somehow I couldn't stop. I'll try to minize it tomorrow..I will and I should! *Sigh* help..

Oh i forgot to tell you. I'm on a mission to lose weight.Again. I've lost 10kg before and I gained them again. Now I'm trying to lose them again :((( Ahhhh!! Must have will-power!

Jason Mraz - Details in the Fabric

2009-05-02T22:22:00.001+08:00

This morning I was listening to my mini ipod shuffle and stumbled upon this song. It caught me. I love it :)

Jason Mraz - Details in the Fabric.

Calm down
Deep breaths
and get yourself dressed instead
I've running around
and pulling on your threads and breaking yourself up
If it's a broken pot replace it
If it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

and hold your own
know your name and go your own way
hold your own
know your name and go your own way
and everything will be fine..

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
know your name and go your own way
Hold your own
know your name and go your own way
and everything, everything will be fine..
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

year 2009 - a new beginning.

2009-05-02T01:27:00.001+08:00

Hello :)

It has been a while..really. My last post was *viewing on the last post* August, 30 2008. Why am I blogging now? What sparks me to blog? Because I miss it! I miss this (= I was revising for my exam and I got tired and bored. My eyes are still wide open. It's like a routine nowadays. I don't know why I've been up so late lately.

Where have I been? No where really. I guess life just sucks me into it's chaotic yet calm and serene black hole at the same time. Because of it I lost the time to blog. There's nothing much to say really when life is all the same all the way.

Here's the gist of all the time that I spent.

: August,30 2008. A day which now I feel like the end of one of the chapters in my life. I was surprised that someone I didn't know actually read my blog and left a comment asking me to "keep up".. I was overwhelmed by this comment. It made me realize that blogging is not a waste of time. Somehow it makes me feel like I have voiced out to the readers that life is sometimes a bliss and sometimes a bitch and that no one is perfect. Thanks to you dear readers, I now have the purpose to blog again.

: Since then everything went well. There were some depressing days but I've managed to hold on.

: I'm still pretty much in love with Aerol which is a blessing :)

: In 2 days I'll have my final exam for my 2nd year 3rd semester in a university.

: Things to revise :
1. Logic and Thinking II.
2. Bilingualism.
3. Language Acquisition.
4. Performance Analysis.
5. Language Development 3 (or is it 4? hmm)

: I've been reminiscing a lot. I can't help it which is one of the reasons I browse through these old posts.

: A little confession..I made a new blog at wordpress.com BUT I have no idea why it didn't want to sign me in. So I reset my password BUT then the same problem persists. So here I am..blogging..I think I should stick to this blog account now.

: I've been searching for this motto which my lecturer gave during class. I was so inspired by it. Funny bit is I only remember the gist of the motto - chase for value! not for marks or money - something like that. Anyone knows whose motto that is? You're free to leave a comment if you want to :)

: For now I'll just settle with this motto...It just gives me a sense of life as a whole, the purpose of living. It's hard to explain..anyways, here it is,

" My life is a simple thing that would interest no one. It is a known fact that I was born and that
is all that is necessary. "
-- Albert Einstein

I'll end the blog here now.. :)
Chat with you soon.

have a little faith in me

2008-08-30T21:37:00.005+08:00

Wow, it's been a long time.

When looking through this blog I'm overwhelmed on how much I've been through.
Negativity had always managed to crawl up on me before.
Nowadays, little by little there are a few changes in my life.
Everyday now I learn how much I enjoy talking in class and at home. I didn't talk much but now I'm trying to let people know [ little by little ] what's on my mind.
I interact more with my parents nowadays [ although not so much ] compared to yester-years.
Zai and Naz are still around when I need them. I call them my "Senoritas". I love my Senoritas =)
After a long rollercoaster ride, up until now, I'm still in love with Aerol =)
My UBD mates are part of my living life. Being a part of them opens a whole different view of perspectives. I love looking into each perspectives where I can learn from. =) In a way I look up to them.
I'm not saying that negativity is all gone. It'll always be around the corner waiting for my fall.
I can say that I'm breaking through but I'm not promising anything. Its called "babysteps".
I'm looking for positivity.
It all started when Naz invited me to join her to attend a motivational talk on "How to Lead Others". It was eye opening. Thanks Naz.
I realize now that I have a great support system - my family, my senoritas, Aerol and UBD mates.

I know I've been not up to your expectations but know this, I thank you for supporting me all the way.

I love you.

"Have a little faith in me" =)

Day by day

2008-01-17T21:35:00.000+08:00

Hello there. its been quite long since I last updated. I actually have been craving to update my blog 3 days ago but i was busy and tired. So i didn't get the chance to. I've been taking some pictures also from my trips. Hope you enjoy watching them =)

Jogging at stadium with Naz, Zai and Nazmi

Zai and Me

Naz, Nazmi and Zai

The end of the day.

McD with Wani, Mui and Fiqah

Yes, for this time let it be their backs that show =D haha.

Tungku Beach with him

He doesn't want me showing this pic to the public =P don't tell him. hehe.

Taman Jubli somewhere in Lumut?

Him and me went cruising from bandar to kaybee. We stopped by at this taman for a little while.

His Birthday Present 14/1/2008 =D

I wrapped it up myself =D Not going to tell you what's inside. hee.

A view of a sunset behind my sunglass =P

That's about it. I'll take more pics next time and post it up if I'm free. =D
Toodles.

back pain

2008-01-06T02:54:00.000+08:00

sigh..my back hurts..seriously..i've been whinning bout my back since i woke up from bed. i stretched and there was a sudden "pop". it was hard to get up and i cried in pain. the agony.

ugh...can't wait to get it fixed.

he's busy watching football..and i'm starting to miss. sigh..

2008

2008-01-04T02:31:00.000+08:00

Its been..*scrolls down to see laptop calendar*..3 days since new year. Before starting, I wish everyone Happy New Year =D May 2008 be a good start to those who wants to turn to a new chapter.

this new year i spent the whole night with him =D thank God..there were no hindrance. before that i got my finger itching by cleaning prawns for my family bbq night. i put on some antiseptic to mend the itch and then i went to shower and he picked me up at my house. hee..so much exitement =D the we went off around bandar. eating, driving around, talking, laughing, romanticizing. haha! late night we went to JP. there were live bands. i only know there was zul f. the other bands i'm not sure of. i'm pretty ignorant if it comes to local bands. except the ones i know of. at 12am, there were fireworks!! wasn't that bad. the most beautiful scene was he standing next to me =)

this is some pics that we took during new year.

Hee..i miss that night =( nyeh. It was over as soon as he sent me home at 2 am.. oh, we celebrated our one year anniversary as well that night =D actually, anniversary is on the 2nd..but since he won't be in bandar that day, we figured we just celebrate it that night. now, its been one year and four days =D

it had been a lot of stress and joy too in 2007. especially those particular 5 days of being ignored by him and the days we spent our times together. not just him, but everyone else around. friends, family, school problems and joys. all are a pile of unforgettable memory.

this year's resolution? haha. so far i can only think of these:

-elongating my hair :P
-be a better person =)
-lose some weight =p
-study harder!
-*secret*

the *secret* part only he knows. hehe. just a romantic2 resolution ;) u knoww how it goes..haha!

i guess that's about it. =D

i leave u with a pic i took i hung out.

They're my pillars. the guy at the very end is a new member whom we just hang out with this year. hehe. the one with tudong is naz and zai is without tudong ;)

countdown to new year~

2007-12-29T19:32:00.000+08:00

TWO more days to go~~ the end of 2007 and the coming of 2008! ofcoz 2007 will not be forgotten =) the joys, the tears, the hardwork, exams, holidays, work, studies, and being a bum and heartbreaks. all remains locked up in ones' memory.

31st is the day that i'm waiting for. i hope all goes well. i hope there's nothing that'll hinder my plan on the 31st. if so, i will be the most depressing person on earth there is. i swear.

another day to hold my breath...sigh...

craps

2007-12-28T17:37:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking. in a short period of time. today, i've been thinking.

about some things that just walk passed my mind.

one of it is relationship. ofcoz. it's always have been relationship as you might have noticed.

why is it so hard to be in a serious relationship (the madly in love version) than in a not-so-serious one (the "fling") one.

you see, in the "fling", women tend to not care so much about the whereabouts their guy at, what the guys are up to, who they're with and such. why bother anyway if it's just a fling?

But in a serious version, women, atleast I, think, tend to think too much. maybe afraid of getting hurt, cheated and such. see, in my experience, what's in my mind everytime my guy goes out, i think that he's probably going out with a chick behind my back whom he calls "a friend" but in fact his FWB (Friends With Benefit) and such event. u know, the heartbreaking scenario. as much as i trust him, i can't help thinking that way. maybe its nature. all women underwent this scenario. atleast those whom i know of.

this might help a bit. i guess. see, everytime that poisoning negative thought comes, just think of it this way. even if they cheat, its not our fault. its them who are not capable of being a man. they're just silly boys who pees in their pants. plus, hanging out is what all humans do. like we women, we shop, we talk, we walk, and guys, they hangout too. it's not like we can force them to stay home 24hours and they have no rights to do so to us too. so it's a win-win situation. don't be too serious or narrow minded so to say.

then comes a question of letting ourselves be cheated? honey, it happens. Love is a tricky phenomenon. can i call it a 'phenomenon'? lets just call it that. being in love is not all about la-la land. it also hurts. in all kinds of ways. so before making a decision to fall in love, you have to consider the consequences and whether you're able to cope with it or not later on. if you think you're ready, then be in love and taste it. i can tell you, atleast from my experience, it's bittersweet. Oh, and make sure you have your family and friends around to support you all the way. THAT family and friendship is all you need to survive and they're very important. very. so don't go throwing away THAT when you're in love.

I may be a hypocrite saying all this. but atleast for now, it's what i can think of.

a song

2007-12-28T17:30:00.000+08:00

Currently listening to this song and its a GREAT song to me. I like the "terima aku apa adanya" and "genggam tanganku jangan bimbang" part. so dreamy. =D

The Rain - Dengar Bisikku

Kadang aku berpikir
Dapatkah kita terus coba
Mendayung perahu kita
Menyatukan ingin kita

Sedang selalu saja
Khilaf yang kecil mengusik
Bagai angin berhembus kencang
Goyangkan kaki kita

Reff :
Genggam tangan ku jangan bimbang
Tak usahlah lagi dikenang
Naif diri yang pernah datang
Jadikan pelajaran sayang

Dengar bisikanku oh dinda
Coba lapangkan dada kita
Terima aku apa adanya
Jujur hati yang kita jaga

Mengapa selalu saja
Khilaf yang kecil mengusik
Bagai ombak yang besar
Goyangkan kaki kita

Genggam tangan ku jangan bimbang
Tak usahlah lagi dikenang
Naif diri yang pernah datang
Jadikan pelajaran sayang

Bila gundahmu tak menghilang
Hentikan dulu dayung kita
Bila kau ingin lupakan aku
Kutak tau apalah daya...

Missing him

2007-12-23T22:26:00.001+08:00

It hurts.

To miss someone this bad.

I want to talk to him all the time. I want to call him all the time. I want to text him all the time. I want him near me all the time. I want him to hold me all the time.

But that's not possible. I don't want to smother him.

It hurts.

To miss someone this bad.

True Bliss

2007-12-10T02:27:00.000+08:00

=) Nothing matters. The torment she suffered from doesn't matter anymore. What matters NOW is "the one" gives an answer..he still loves and just needed some time to think and calls her his.
Thank you God for this bliss. Thanks to those who cares. Mark my word, i'll change for the better. AND I NEED YOU TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS.

xoxo

a broken soul

2007-12-06T00:07:00.000+08:00

This is a story about a girl who lost everyone. Maybe she's born for it. Maybe. Who knows.
At 7 she lost her dad. Health problem was the cause. At 10, she chose to lose a mother. Wealth was the cause. The comfort it gave..security. Not saying it's bad. Because that wealth helped her grow into the person she is now. Puts her in her position now. A sacrifice made between a real family and the one who kindly helps. Sure, at times she suffered missing the real one. But hey, that's that. All that's left is a hope that lingers, a chance that she'll meet her real mother again someday somehow.

She's broken. Yet she lives on each day, being strong. Sometimes in tears.

A few years passes by and she met this guy. He is the one. At least, he used to. At the moment, she no longer knows.

He shot her with his words and promises. oh those sweet, sweet promises. Those promises led to another. Until she gave up everything. Until she surrendered everything. Just to see him happy. Just to make everything okay. Because she loves him and she believes he does too.

Now, it seems that promises turns to toxic which she holds on to, which she believes in. This so called "love" happy turns to a torment, sucking her into depression. Days now with nothing she cares but him. She doesn't see anything but the past they went through, the moment he held her in his arms..the moment he kissed her..the moment he touched her..the moment love began..the moment she surrendered. Oh his soft touch, his caring caress, his warm lips pressed against her.

Oh that sweet intoxicating memory. She's scared..scared to lose again. So scared she breaks down, so scared she cried her eyes out, so scared she does everything she could to have just a simple answer from him.

"He had the decency to take every little pieces of her. Why not the decency to give her a simple answer. How could he? Will he? Does he? " Oh those ever so suffering days without his words is enough to make her lose her mind and think she'd be better off six feet under.

Thank God she has people who cares. It's enough to make her smile and live. Yet, she wishes that that's enough to mend her broken soul.

An answer she awaits. An answer she awaits..Just a simple one would be enough. Maybe she's meant to live for this..maybe not.

depressed

2007-11-17T23:06:00.000+08:00

On her bed she sits
Her eyes shut
Her mind wonders
Her thought
scattered around her.
The bliss, the misery
the laughs, the tears..
the arms wrapped around her
the warmth of a body on hers'
exchanging body heat
passionate and loving.
He..nothing but him..
she desires.
He's not around,
she falls apart,
the daylight turns to a night sky,
her vision blurred
if only she faints,
just so time would not be so cruel
to have let her endure a cut so deep.
So sick of being torn
between an obligation
and the freedom she longs..
If only a pair of wings could save her
so she can fly..
fly away from everything that smothers her.
siiighh..

...

2007-10-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

hate me if it makes you happy.
leave if you'd like to.
but i'll be here waiting,
to give you my hand,
to lend you my ears,
to share tears. =)

2007-10-20T22:51:00.000+08:00

hello! its been a while. sorry bout that. I remember I wanted to post my new hair here. haha.
This picture was taken at home, the first day of haircut. I have to admit, I love my hair before this better =( Remind me not to cut my hair next time! I want it to be long =p

Hari Raya? well, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. See, there were more talking during this year's raya compared to the previous years. Plus, I went raya-ing with Zai to our frens' house and to the mall (we were killing the time actually). Hehe. There's nothing much during raya, just the normal routine visiting families on the 1st day of raya, 2nd and 3rd we had open house for family and friends. Everyone was busy raya-ing those 2 days..the days after I spent in UBD as lectures and tutorials started. Not to forget, with Zai too. haha.

We all got tons of work to do. Find article (which I haven't found) for Datin, Elgar's texts and vocab project, Linguistics oral presentation, I'm not sure if we have any grammar to do, and logic test on 12/11. =s All to be done within next two weeks. aiya...Now that I've put it that way, byk tiaaaa usulnya~ huhu.

I better get started on finding the article..

I'll update again if I've the time..

xoxo

New

2007-10-06T23:34:00.000+08:00

I've recently bought new clothes, new shoes and other belongings. Haha. But the shoes are killing my feet. I guess it's because they're new.

I'm going to do my hair tomorrow with my sister..but I'm still not sure which hairstyle i should go for. Nonetheless, I'll show it to you tomorrow. haha. If I feel like it. =p I love a sort of spiky-ended, layered hairstyle..hm..maybe i should go for that. again. haha. i don't know...gosh.

I'm excited to go to the saloon tomorrow. Hopefully there'll be less people. I made an appointment at 1pm.

Oh, next week is Raya. My "baju-raya" are not done yet. It will be on the 10th of this month.

My new resolution: be active. In a physical health and mental health sense. I've been really really slow, I need to upgrade and change some bad habits.

I'm not promising a 100% change, but I'll try...I'm not sure how I'll undergo that change. We'll see =)

Fun Fun Fun :D

2007-09-23T23:53:00.000+08:00

Sungkai was sooo much fun today :D
Me and Zai went to Naz's place for bbq sungkai along with her other friends from ITB.
All of them were funny and everyone is just very easy to talk to =)
To be honest, I've never had that kinda "riuh" since I was a kid..Thinking back about this, I'm all teary...How have I lost that "riuh-ness" all these times? *sigh..* the laughters, the jokes, people talking on and on...

Anyways...Tadi we had bbq chiken, sausages, kuew tiaw, mee goreng, mashed potato, begedil (kiut ones =P damiit..hehe and sedaaap), mcm2 sorts of kuih, and a birthday cake :D we had a surprised birthday party for two birthday boys...All foods were soo gewwwd!!

Kalau liat slow motion that moment we had, it's seriously..touching. I'm glad I was there...If you're reading, Thanks Naz for inviting us :D Should make another bbq next time. Hehe...

self progress

2007-09-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

11.15pm..this hour, this minute, this moment, something struck me and gets my eyes all teary. i may sound i'm self centered, but i prefer it to be more like self progress..subconsciously, it hit me that i'm lost in wonder trying to discover me. Trying to figure out who I really am. How can I be me, when I don't even know.. me? To be honest, I lost a sense of self since I don't know when, I don't know how. I'm not that kid I was..The enthusiastic, determined, brave, not afraid to stand up to people, not afraid to shout, laugh, scream or yell as hard as I can..I miss that kid in me..Now, I'm more reserved.

Improving is now my goal. I want to stay committed in this because I believe now, to know others you've to know yourself first =) it may come the other way round, but that is a later issue. For now, I'll just stick to my opinion.

pain in the neck, literally.

2007-09-19T21:02:00.000+08:00

Finally, all but one more to do-Linguistics. Complete the assignment and at the same time prepare for it's test this coming Saturday. Yay! Not so much work as before. I'm all tired. I can't wait for mid term break next week. =D

Currently, my neck's aching. I think it's my pillow. Not comfy enough. It's gone even flat than before. I need huge puffy pillows.

Tomorrow for sungkai, I will be going out with my family. We'll be heading to Mellinium Restaurant for a sungkai buffet. Nyum nyum.

That's about it for now. More updates will be published soon. =) I better continue my assignment.

continuation of busy day

2007-09-15T22:08:00.000+08:00

...We're still waiting for another driver. Nyeh.

We went to the mall at almost 4...I asked her what time she'll be home and she said before sungkai. I mean, it's already 4...before sungkai is before 6..I don't want to drive there again in such short time..Thankfully, my parents were out to buy 'penyungkaian' at 4 or 5..so, they picked her up while they're on it. HEHE...I was able to sleep for an hour. so that totals up to 5 hours of sleep (including 12-4am i mentioned above).

At 6 my dad woke me up to park my car in the garage. I parked outside the garage because there were no space left as a van with two magnas was parked in. So my dad parked the van outside and let my swift in. Come to think of it, kesian the van always parked outside :( I don't mind if the swift is parked outside.. nyeh. Yes yes, I have too much feelings for everything. HAHA.

Not long after that, sungkai...yay! :D We had mixed veggies, nasi, fried prawns, fried 'tauhu', fried 'tempe', fish masak apa i duno..lupa tanya =P, em..kurma, kuih-kuih - cheesecake, that green round thing with gula melaka inside, that yellow flower-shaped kuih with a bit of meet..HAHA..payah jua inda tau nama kuih ani! xP and air bandung, plain water. Later on I made myself milo ping. :D I'm getting addicted to MY milo ping. HEHE.

Now, hours later, here I am. Blogging. I was planning to complete grammar assignment but I wanted to copy some stuffs to a friend's disc (which won't work) so I end up stuck to my laptop. ehe. I'll do it later. That's about today.

As mentioned, here are the stuffs I have to do:
1/revise Logic&thinking for Monday test.
2/revise Linguistics for Saturday test.
3/wrap up Grammar assignment
4/wrap up Linguistic assignment(which is suppose to be 1500 words long).
5/do Eng Development comprehension for class discussion on Monday -__-"

All of those for next week! huhuhu.

Well, this is as far as I can go today. There's nothing else to say. I'll update again soon ^^,

busy day

2007-09-15T20:41:00.000+08:00

Hello again. Today was not a bad day but a busy one. Last night I slept at 12am after revising. Then woke up at 4 am for sahur. After that, I revised again. It annoys me that I didn't get the hand of Grammar. Seriously, its irritating. HAHA. So I learnt and learnt until I get a rough idea about grammar usage, functions and structures, and all those things that involves grammar. I'm still rusty but atleast I i know something.

At almost 7am, it was time to get ready and pick up Zai. At 8+, we arrived at UBD and sat at the FASS faculty. I was copying her logic and thinking disc into my laptop. We have two tests next week and a couple of asssignments to hand in. o.O come to think of it, that's a lot to do in just one week time =s

Before I tell you what the tests and assignments are, i'll just finish up about today. Before I went into class at 10am, I sat in the library and continued my grammar revision before grammar tutorial. Come 11am-12pm, I sat down at the library and continued the grammar revision. HAHA. Talk about "majal". Then at 12 to 2 I went into the linguistics class. Unexpectedly, we were studying syntax! A topic which is almost similar to grammar! WHICH helped a LOT!! HAHA. It made me understand more about grammar =P especially in doing the "tree-branching" or "binary branch". I thought to myself, "this isn't bad" =P

It's not easy at first, trying to make a sense out of what you're studying and get annoyed by it, but when you get the hang of it, and you KNOW what you're doing, it's actually fun. It's like patting yourself at the back after the hard work you put on your study. I may be exaggerating but it's true. I'm not saying I'm scoring a lot but its the improvement that counts to me.
It's strange though, after some time, I'd forget that determination and be back to lazying around.

Okay. Enough about that. The joy and the class ended at 2 pm and I went straight back home after accompanying Iza to HEP and library. I thought I'll be able to sleep but when I just entered the kitchen, mom suddenly said "can you send Aliaa(my sis) to the mall before sungkai later? and pick her up after?" I had no choice but "sure". My driver went back to Indon for good so I have to be a driver temporarily. We're still waiting for another driver. Nyeh.

We went to the mall at almost 4...I asked her what time she'll be home and she said before sungkai. I mean, it's already 4...before sungkai is before 6..I don't want to drive there again in such short time..Thankfully, my parents were out to buy 'penyungkaian' at 4 or 5..so, they picked her up while they're on it. HEHE...I was able to sleep for an hour. so that totals up to 5 hours of sleep (including 12-4am i mentioned above).

At 6 my dad woke me up to park my car in the garage. I parked outside the garage because there were no space left as a van with two magnas was parked in. So my dad parked the van outside and let my swift in. Come to think of it, kesian the van always parked outside :( I don't mind if the swift is parked outside.. nyeh. Yes yes, I have too much feelings for everything. HAHA.

Not long after that, sungkai...yay! :D We had mixed veggies, nasi, fried prawns, fried 'tauhu', fried 'tempe', fish masak apa i duno..lupa tanya =P, em..kurma, kuih-kuih - cheesecake, that green round thing with gula melaka inside, that yellow flower-shaped kuih with a bit of meet..HAHA..payah jua inda tau nama kuih ani! xP and air bandung, plain water. Later on I made myself milo ping. :D I'm getting addicted to MY milo ping. HEHE.

Now, hours later, here I am. Blogging. I was planning to complete grammar assignment but I wanted to copy some stuffs to a friend's disc (which won't work) so I end up stuck to my laptop. ehe. I'll do it later. That's about today.

As mentioned, here are the stuffs I have to do:
1/revise Logic&thinking for Monday test.
2/revise Linguistics for Saturday test.
3/wrap up Grammar assignment
4/wrap up Linguistic assignment(which is suppose to be 1500 words long).
5/do Eng Development comprehension for class discussion on Monday -__-"

All of those for next week! huhuhu.

Well, this is as far as I can go today. There's nothing else to say. I'll update again soon ^^,

she finds peace

2007-09-14T00:17:00.000+08:00

It is 12.17am now...I'll be sleeping after this. Hm..yesterday, I had sahur at 4am. Woke up at around 12pm (didn't sleep at all before that) and felt much better. Then I cleaned up my room and helped prepare sungkai. It felt as if I've bloated after sungkai. haha..Didn't eat that much though...I guess it's normal. The first food I ate was kurma..haven't had kurma in a while. hee..nyum nyum.

We had chicken curry, mix veggies, chicken feet, chakoi, kuih batik, kuih keladi, and..that yellow kuih that tasted like timbadak. I don't know what it's called. For drinks we had air bandung, air kosong and cendol. nyum...and few hours after that I had pringles and milo pink/ping. nyum..

I wanted to revise and do my work but I didn't feel like it :S tsk tsk tsk. BAD! maybe later after sahur :)

Oh and one more thing. I felt like I can finally breathe. Not that i was not breathing, it's just that there was this sense of peace I had as I took a deep breath :) it felt good. *sigh*

waiting . .

2007-09-13T01:57:00.000+08:00

Its almost 2 am now...M hungreh...Oh, Happy Fasting people.. =D Selamat Menyambut Puasa di Bulan Ramadhan...hehe..

Gosh, my brain is lagging, loading process too slow. haha. Lack of sleep I guess. Everyone in the house are sleeping. Aerol is sleeping. Now i'm currently chatting with Efna. Both of us are waiting for sahur. I want to sleep but everytime I close my eyes, inevitably, I imagine something that scares me. I think I'm paranoid. o.O help??

So to ease up my paranoia, I tend to sleep until late night and go online or talking on the phone with Aerol. Nyeh.

Anyways,

I haven't started on my assignments and preparing for the test. It will be hectic if I don't start soon. I have 2 assignments to hand it by next week and also 2 tests. :s Linguistics and Eng Grammar assignments, Linguistics and Logic&Thinking tests to be ready by next week. huhu..I've got to change my way of studying.

My stomach's growling...its 2.29am..counting the minutes to 4am.so long...huhu..
.

apa lagi kan d buat ah...? other than doing my assignments :p trust me, nothing will get through this mind and stick there at this moment.

my current event

2007-09-12T16:58:00.001+08:00

I'm eating burger and chips aerol bought for me. Hearts my aerol :D *burp* i don't think i'll be having dinner later. Naman the burger. hehe.

i just got back from meeting him at a car wash in Batu Besurat . He got his car washed. So fresh and so clean =p While waiting for the wash, we went for his lunch before he goes back to kb. He's on his way now.

Now, i'm drinking iced nescafe latte. nyumm..chatting with a friend, listening to red jumpsuit apparatus's songs..this is the moment..a moment to breathe. *sigh*

yesterday...i... (=

-yat-

update

2007-09-11T00:22:00.000+08:00

Hello there! its been a while. i have a bunch to update. where do i start..erm..
okay.

Firstly,

UBD, in case you've never been in Brunei, it's a.k.a University of Brunei Darussalam. i'm now studying in UBD. after a long wait, i managed to get in with C D grades in elt and soc. BA Edu is my program ; major in TESL. no minors. It's quite a difficult subject but i'm coping. At first it is like walking in a maze there. Surely, i was lost. i'm not good with directions. Thankfully, i had friends who were kind enough to walk and show me around on my first entrance (= Now i'm familiar with the 'maze'. It may not be the place i was expecting to go in to but everyone has to start somewhere (=

Secondly,

I have a laptop now.YAY! :D Sakai oh? Look at it this way, i'm 20 now and i just got it. Imagine the dull years of not owning a laptop before that. No loud music, not being able to go online and chat as long as you want to, no privacy (i used to do all work using the PC with exposion in the dining/living room), no acessing internet when you're at coffeebean or coffeezone or at any place that has wifi, no DVD watching. Life was not very exciting as it is now. I may be exaggerating but its true. oh, and my lappy's brand is called Acer 4920G.

Thirdly,

I have a new phone- Nokia 6280. My last phone broke. I smashed it to the floor while I was arguing with mother. Not a good move -_-" I miss that phone *sniff* if only my phone was not in my hand that time. hmf. I was too caught bursting myself up that time so, yea. Nothing mattered.

Lastly,

Personal growth. i've grown to speak up my mind (= progressively.

I've to admit, i'm not a preferred daughter or so called role model at home. I've been arguing with mother a lot lately. I made her pissed, made her cried, unintended.
All i want is being able to go out and come back home without being scolded at, without feeling guilty or scared. I want to spend extra hours outside home, a space for me to grow on my own. I refuse to have curfews and be controlled. Tell me, what do you think when its a MUST to go home at or before 6pm? She told me, she was like this too but much worst. If that is so, wouldn't she be able to understand what i'm feeling?

Last time we argued, she was in tears while telling me all those traditions that was put on her, her fear of me getting pregnant, the religious rule and her fear of what everyone else's thought of her letting me go out with a guy until late night (7 or 8pm is late) and the shame she couldn't bare. She wants me to understand. I do, but does she understand me? She even asked me for my TIMETABLE. So i told her i'm not a kid anymore, controlling me is unnecessary, i know how to take care of myself and i'm not like those bad examples. However way I tried to make her understand, she just doesn't trust me yet.

The good thing is, I now know how to express myself to her. I'm not afraid to tell her what's on my mind anymore. I pray that she'll understand soon. If she knows it hurts to be restricted like she said "memang seksa jadi anak dara", she should understand and just trust.

I'm not saying she's horrible, i understand it's just a mother's concern (in this case, over concern). I'm just saying it's unnecessary for my age now.

OKAY. that's it. HAHA. I know its very long. I hope i didn't bore you to death. :P
Do drop by again ;)
-Yat-

no brainer?

2007-07-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

ever felt that you are looked down at? like you're some sort of a no brainer.
personally, i do. i confess i don't know as much as people do. i don't get what they are talking about. all those gossips, technological acronyms, and what so ever. its because i don't give a damn. does that mean i'm a no brainer? i read when i want to. i listen when i want to. i care when i want to. i get what i want when i want to. does that still mean i'm a no brainer?
i don't think so. just because i don't care doesn't mean my head's empty.
sure i have some sort of an amnesia but no brainer? f*** off.
excuse me for my ignorance on most issues i just don't want to know. excuse me for my clumsy behaviour. excuse me for not knowing the ways and directions.
i sincerely apologise for my imperfections.

a better life?

2007-07-27T21:46:00.000+08:00

how many teenagers are there who are not able to make it into a university? in denial of what they want to do or what they HAVE to do to get a better future?
better grades are the far most necessary requirement in order to get a better job. those who doesn't meet the requirement would HAVE to be what they don't want to, else they can just kiss the so called opportunity goodbye.
a wished-for job is getting hard to enter just because the alphabets, numbers, names aren't good enough.
it seems that nowadays its hard to show off talents when all that meets the eye is a piece of an outstanding certificate.
what options do the youths have?

a lot less exciting

2007-07-15T22:44:00.000+08:00

its the Sultan's 61st birthday today. i would like to greet his majesty a happy happy birthday and long live his majesty. *cheers* i can hear the firecrackers exploding in the sky. oh, i'm not anywhere out of my house. i've been sitting my arse at home all day. my maid and driver were on their usual sunday holiday. they said there were countless dizzying crowds in Bandar from morning until evening. i'm sure there's still a lot of them out there celebrating his majesty's birthday. why am i not out there? i don't feel like going out today. plus, everyone has their own plan.

*sigh* funny. i feel lonely when i think everyone out there is having the best moment and i'm here listening to grey's anatomy soundtracks. its like everything else is moving and i, like a stone, am standing still gazing out to nowhere.

there's this absence i feel. its like my emotions flew away. come to think of it, it feels good. =)

sorry for the inconvenience

2007-07-13T23:38:00.000+08:00

sorry for the inconvenience. my bad. hee..
i wanted to post my past blogs but it came out wrongly. its like i'm a bad narrator.
for more understanding of what's been going on, you should start reading (if you please) from the "newbie" post to "what went on before" and "after 'as i go on the broken road' " post.
thanx ;)

what happened after "as i go on the broken road"

2007-07-13T23:33:00.000+08:00

this is the blog entry i posted after "as i go on the broken road"

july 7th, 2007. tittled : it's hard to say.

today i felt a feeling i may be exaggerating but trust me, it makes me feel good. i don't exactly know how to descirbe this feeling but it makes me realize that i might just like living in an imperfect life. i'm going to let you take a glimpse at what i have gone through today.

it was 8am and my alarm snoozed for a couple of times before that. i'm not really a morning person..although i love to breathe in the early morning air, its just hard to get up and fight the cozy bed and blanket i roll into. back to the topic, i had to get up early this morning to send my brother to the airport with my mom. he's on the way back to australia now i presume. he'll be arriving around 6am melbourne time. it was a sad moment before he got on the plane. they were in tears. i didn't what to say. i wanted to say something but i can't find any words to wipe away their tears. after saying goodbyes, he departed, we went off.

home feels empty now. i sat down and find myself staring at the television screen with a feeling of... emptyness. i don't know if that's the right word. i mean, i'm used to looking forward to see him, go around town with him and just talk. now, knowing that he's not going to be here for a long time is like not seeing the sun for a while. i miss him.

anyways, what makes me see a positive sight in my life now is when i see him that way and being open to mom makes me realise, life isn't that bad after all. i realise, in the beginning people can be a pain in the arse but when they break down, they may change. and whatever it is, there's always that one person who will be there for them, name it mothers, fathers, sons, dauhters, cousins, friends or that special one.

hence, i realise that all i got to do is be open (no matter how hard they're going to take it) and make sure they get my point, make sure they know that its what i want and i can handle myself and that i know it's worth it. i guess its a growing up feeling

-end-

what went on in the past

2007-07-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

here's something to show you what went on in the past just to keep you posted.

this is one of the past blog entry i posted before:

july04, 2007. tittled : as i go on the broken road.

anyways, these days gets more depressing. that's because i'm still under curfews and boredom. times like this i wish God would silently take my life away. to be honest, when i think of the curfew i could think of suicide. i mean, imagine that you're my age (20) and is still not in control over your own life. imagine not being able to enjoy leisure time in a long period because you're told not to. imagine going out with your friends, and just when you start to have fun, you receive a message telling you to go home that instant. i can deal with not having my own credit card, but curfews? i'd rather my life be taken away. seriously.

i said i can handle myself since i'm already at this age where they SHOULD know i need my own space and have control over my own life. but the more i do that, the more they're choking me with the curfews. "at this age is the stage where we should care more about you" they say, so i've wasted my teenage life obeying all of their curfews and it just gets worst as i grow up. i want to scream at them, scream out everything i've been keeping inside all these years but who am i to complain about life to them? i mean, i'm adopted, if it wasn't for them i'd be stripping myself in public somewhere else(which is something i wish to do right now, hey atleast there's no curfews. right?

i'm already a burden to them and if i do complain, i'd be ingrateful. so i keep things to myself. at the same time, i'm dying inside. dying to scream everything out to them. dying to cross out the curfews. dying to have control over my own life. God knows how much tears i cry every now and then. God knows how emo i am. God knows what i've been thinking. at times i pray to God to open up their heart just to understand me. it's all i want. understand me. how hard can that be? at times i just feel like rebelling. i think i should. i can't handle curfews anymore. my life has been full of it and it's enough.

other than that, i'm lucky to have friends who understand what i'm going through and a special person who makes me happy. they help a lot. truth be told, i prefer my friends and him more than most my own relatives. i don't know how many are you out there who feels the same way or has experienced it. there's just no connection at all between me and my relatives. most of them are the kind of people who are typical and narrow minded. they stab people behind their backs. i don't get them. i don't like them. i doubt they like me.

well, i'm glad i've this blog to tell what i'm keeping inside. it takes away some of the stress level from me :)

all right, i'll type in some more next time. -end-

newbie

2007-07-13T23:14:00.000+08:00

hey, just call me yat. err..i've been blogging ever since i have a friendster account. i gather everyday experiences mostly and events that is going on for a few days and then post them up. to cut my story short, here is what i've been experiencing lately - joy.

this positivity thing i'm undergoing gets even better everyday. i'm having so much fun even though there's not much to do. last monday and tuesday i went swimming with my sister and brother at polo club. my mom had to watch us swim due to fear of us drowning as dad said. oh, dad was working so he couldn't be with us those days.

i got my own bank account now. still waiting for them to send over the atm card.

i'm happy that i worked out yesterday (even though at first i felt lazy) but there's nothing more satisfying than setting your mind, body and soul healthy by just getting your ass off the couch and do some exercise.

i'm also happy everytime i'm on the phone with my special guy or everytime i'm with him. he's part of the reason my life is great and i can't describe how much i love him but to feel it. last time i went out with him, we went to watch transformers at mall gadong cinema. it was a GREAT movie. then we went lunch at wywy tutong and finally went to tutong beach til sun set. both of us ride the motorcar from one end to another. it was my first time riding a motorcar, i was worried at first than i began to love it! love it when i ride fast and spun =D we went back to gadong later on at night and bought ourselves some drink. it was heavily raining, poor him, he got wet running to the car, drove to get me waiting for him. oh, and the best part was.. seeing him dance to the music for the first time =D (that could be a once in a lifetime sight). there's no one in this world that can make me any more happy than this.

also, i'm looking forward for the Sultan's 61st birthday. the last time i went out, there were beautiful archs and colorful, glowing neon lights set up along the road side. i wonder if i'll be going out with my special guy before going off to singapore next tuesday.

oh, yea. i'm off to singapore with my family next tuesday. i can't wait to shop there! i think i wrote this in the previous blog entry.

in addition, as if those aren't enough, tonight my dad asked me to find a laptop module. i asked if we are going to buy it in singapore. he said no. well, i assume he's going to buy one for me sooner or later. i already got what laptop i want in mind. i hope its affordable though. yes yes, i'm very much thrilled on getting my own laptop now because i never have a laptop before. once a friend said "well, you can go online with your lappy (laptop) " and i said "i don't have one". he replied "you don't have a laptop? how do you live? no laptop is like not having a life" basically he meant no lappy, boring. i know right? its not that big of a deal, atleast i have two pc at home. well, there's no privacy using the pcs though because they're placed in the dining/tv room where everyone sits. wich kinda sucks a bit. anyways, i'm very excited and looking forward to having my own laptop. i plan to buy vaio C series. its cool =D

well, those are the things that makes my days a true joy. i know i won't be this happy always. hey, might as well enjoy it while it lasts. right?

-end-